Do Not Lord it over...

Do not lord it over the people assigned to your care.
1 Peter 5:3

A while ago I was an adult presence among young people who were listening to a fifty-something year-old speaker/professional in a field that will remain as equally vague and awkward as the rest of this sentence (I don’t want anyone to guess who I’m talking about; that’s not the point). From the get-go, I found myself feeling very uncomfortable. He was too much like too many others I’ve know in the past – in another life – who used belittling, control, sarcasm and power to... what? I don’t know what exactly. To feed their ego? To mask their own deep insecurity?

And a lot of it ends up being sexual power. Why is that? Is it a coincidence that these kinds of individuals often have the sexual thing going on too along with the control and manipulation? Probably not. If I knew my Freud, I’d probably be able to explain it.

What was happening at this particular above mentioned event was that when young people arrived late, the speaker would stop and centre them out with a variety of subtle and not too subtle sarcasm (I wonder if he does the same with adult audiences). This same individual who, arguably, was talking about sex because it connected to his topic, made regular unrelated sexual comments that – from my vantage point – left many of the kids feeling very uncomfortable. The comments were off the cuff, unconnected to his point and frankly rude.

To be fair, some were seemingly enjoying the sexual innuendo and the belittling of the late-comers. But I have a theory about that. As far as the latter is concerned, I think it’s a matter of something like: Whoa, I’m glad that wasn’t me that got centred out like that. I’m glad I didn’t walk in late. As for the former, I think it’s the shock and awe amongst teenagers who encounter an adult who isn’t afraid to talk dirty. You can almost see the Did he just say what I think he said? look on their faces.

This individual reminds me – as I said – of other authority figures I’ve know (among them, I’m sad to say, pastors) who play these kinds of power games; many of these individuals have ended up at the end of the line in that cliched sexual train wreck. You know the story. Caught in an affair and run out of town, leaving the wreckage of broken marriages and relationships behind.

I saw this same individual mentioned above in action in a social context once. He hit on someone else’s wife. I thought the husband was going to hit him. He didn’t. Instead, the couple chose to leave early. So what I’m saying isn’t totally based on hearsay and/or a gut reaction I had to someone.

Maybe one of the reasons I have such an averse reaction to this kind of behaviour is that early in my teaching career I was that guy. Not the sexual part, but the other part, I 'm ashamed to say, was me. As a high school teacher, the way I controlled classroom behaviour was through sarcasm (not totally, not always, but too often). If someone was talking for example, I'd say something like, Oh, I'm sorry. You're talking. I'm interrupting you – how rude. Please finish and let me know when I can talk. Kids thought I was very funny. Not the victims though.

Two things that helped me turn a corner were words from someone I really respect and a training workshop I attended.

A teacher/principal/pastor from England named Chris Halls told me that sarcasm was the tool of a weak man. I'd never heard that saying before – it hit me with full force. So I use sarcasm... because I'm weak? I used sarcasm to control people because I had the power and I could. I used sarcasm because I didn't care about my students' worth or wellness as much as I valued my control. I didn't care that I was embarrassing them in front of their peers. I didn't care enough or see them as individuals with feelings that deserved to have their dignity kept intact. I didn't care enough to take them aside and explain how their behaviour (lateness, for example) was affecting them and others.

I say all this in keeping with the spirit of the verse in 1 Peter 5:3.  When God assigns people -- especially young people -- to your care, that's a pretty awesome thing. I'll end this with the context (preceding and proceding verses:

Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; ^{... 4} And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.